08 février 2010

Why can't I love a "he"?

In Mauritius, it is pretty simple, homosexual relationships are hardly accepted socially and crypto-not accepted legally. I used “crypto” as being homosexual is not exactly punishable by law but physically expressing your feelings for a person of the same sex is. On the matter of homosexual relationships, we are living in an era of archaism worldwide and that’s a painful reality!

I won’t use the term LGBT because it includes the Transgender people. In my belief, it has nothing much to do with sexual orientation; and in our World today Transgender people are having much harder times than homosexuals and bisexuals. As a matter of terminology and categorisation, I believe in Freud’s theory explaining that we are all psychically bisexual. However, that’s not what I’m pondering about today. It is another ‘debate’ where we have to really understand what psychical is...

Hence, here, I will be referring to the aware homosexuals and bisexuals. Homosexuality existed pretty much ever since life existed. Physical bisexuality has been and still is present in the animal kingdom. Bisexuality was kind of a norm in Ancient Greece. But then, it was not so much heterosexual and homosexual relationships but rather heterosexual and pederast relationships. Pederasty defines the emotional and/or physical relationship between an adult man and a young adolescent male.

This was to wipe out the great smart thinkers who would want to describe homosexual relationships as a sin of the twentieth century or being 'against nature'.

A homosexual relationship is one where two persons of the same biological sex(to make the difference with gender) are emotionally and/or physically attracted to each another. Homosexuality has been generally more easily accepted for women than for men.

This is because of the patriarchal character of societies. It is indeed argued that women are morally authorised to do what they want anyways because they do not have a social status to maintain; theirs, is only attained via their father’s or their husband’s.

However, men taking it up the butt somehow represents a feminisation of the male figure. Hence, men are falling as low as women when being homosexuals according to this archaic stratification. Stratification which is not so much apparent today, but it is where we come from and descendants will always bear the mark of their ancestors.

People also tend to believe that all man to man relationships consist of penetrations and exclusive tops and bottoms just as they believe that woman to woman relationships consist of no penetration. Thus, in the former case, there is one who would be superior whereas in the latter, both partners would be on the same level. This is a myth but helps in understanding why homosexuality among women is more tolerated.

That was much and enough for the factual and technical explanation. Now really, a man falling in love with a man is just as simple as a man falling in love with a woman. It’s not a choice. One never choses when to fall for someone, who to fall for just as one never choses when to have a boner. I am just saying!

We come to the title. Why cannot I love a “he” and cannot she love a “she”? And why is gender socialisation so intense in the first place? Why is it better for a man to be with a woman? Why do so many people say “I’m not a homophobe, I accept them. But well, this won’t happen in my house and these people should not show off in public!” Really? You are not homophobe, huh?

And what about this great open-minded mauritian blogger who blogged about homosexuals, depicting them as some sort of new alien species he has got to learn more about? I bet he isn’t being homophobic either, right?

We have all heard, if not said it ourselves: “hey he’s gay, don’t remain close to him! Else you know what he’ll do to you! ;)” Wait, does this even  make any sense?

A guy could befriend a girl without everyone thinking they are just going to copulate the next second but if it’s a homosexual girl/guy with another person of the same sex, everyone is sure she/he would want it to end up on a bed? Yes, people tend to take homosexuals and bisexuals for perverts. But well, read the sentences above again and see who are being perverts there!

Being homosexual is not wearing a skirt and being girlish(for a guy) or having a whole lot of piercings and being boyish(for a girl). Here, it is a gender issue and we need to differentiate gender from sexual orientation so as not to face such dumb stigmas.

What about feelings?

It annoys me, pisses me off, gets me angry, horripilates me to see how much harm our society is doing to so many people because of their feelings. I have met more than one for whom being homosexual has been one of their worst character trait for long. Yes, it is not a choice. There even are cases of homophobes being homosexuals. Any wonder to where this self-hatred can lead? …

I am happy to say that I, personally, can imagine myself living till my last days with either a man, a women or no-one. There is strictly nothing on my mind which would make me uncomfortable visualising myself finding bliss next to a man just as anyone would imagine themselves with a woman.

HOWEVER, this is the case for VERY few of the aware homosexuals and bisexuals. And this is pitiful and arrrrrrgh!! This is of course not their fault, though it’s up to them to fight it all for their very own well-being. I believe we can only blame it all on the system. And as at today, what I call the system is: blind followers who do not want to change.

On top of that, lies the question of marriage. I am not talking about any religious stuff. I am talking about law, about the privileges and eventual discomforts of a legal engagement made to one another.
Very often, when I get to this question in the Mauritian context, I hear: “Oh oh wait! People are already making an effort to accept homosexuals, you are only being pessimistic and a never satisfied guy if you are so impatient to have same-sex marriage legal”.

Well, whenever my blood pressure allows me to talk at such a moment, I like to answer by some empathic case assumption. I’ll put it with the male figure as the subject(not so much to be patriarchal as to reach out to the males out there, who tend to be thicker on grasping things :P).

You are in love with a bright smart young lady. You are in a stable relationship and feel like you could spend the rest of your life with her. What do you do? Engagement, family meeting, plan for settling together, get ready for wedding, spend your lives together and have a whole lot of kids(lol), right? Well, no, change your plans! You have to just stay in this very situation for all your life. You will forever remain boyfriend and girlfriend dating one another.  No wedding ceremony, no kids!   If you wish, you can live together just as housemates do, but won’t ever have something called a household.

Is it ok for you? Would you renounce just now to your marriage with her? Then, why should I wait patiently and passively for the following generations to eventually have the right to be happy? Why?

Now, you tell me why can’t I love a “he”? Why my life with a “he” would have to be a less happier one than with a “she”? Why so many people are suffering right there around you without you even noticing it because they cannot come out of the closet? WHY?

And by the way, closets were made for clothes! Don’t let yourself, your friend, mate, neighbour or whoever else inside! You/she/he will end up suffocating!